In a Perfect World

Some time in the not too distant future (say April), attention whore Terrelle Pryor is preparing to announce his future as a college student athlete…

Charlie Batch: “Welcome everyone Terrelle will be out in a moment to announce his intentions of where he will be playing while dominating college football for the next 3 years”

Reporter: “Charlie, what do you say to the rumors that Terrell has put off too many people by dragging out the recruiting this long?”

CB: “Terrelle just wanted to make sure he did what was right for him. Hold on… here he comes…. Terrell Pryor everyone”

(Pryor comes out holding four hats, OSU, PSU, Michigan, and Oregon)

Terrelle Pryor: “I will be playing my college ball for the University of Michigan”

(Thunderous applause mutes a cell phoning ringing)

TP (answers the phone): “Hey coach Rod, I can’t wait to get up to AA to start learning the spread and shred…What?... (hangs up phone)

(Pryor whispers in to Batch’s ear)

CB: “It seems due to the delay that Michigan has used up all of their allotted scholarships”

TP: “Everyone knows this has been a tough choice for me and all these schools were very equal in my mind so going with number two will be no big deal, I will be playing my college ball for coach Tressel at OSU”

(Applause, and then Tressel appears via satellite)

Sweatervest: “That is great news Terrelle, or at least it would have been 2 months ago. I am sorry to inform you we are no longer interested in your services here. We have no need for drama queens who need all the attention on themselves. I hope you have much success wherever you end up”

(Pryor is now fighting back tears)

TP: “I think I got some shitty advice from a guy who played quarterback at Eastern Michigan? Seriously Eastern Michigan, get out of here Batch. OK! Choice number 3, I will stay in my home state and play for JoePa”

(JoePa comes waddling into the gym yelling something incoherent)

JoePa: “Hmmmpdf hauidg ajiud. Third choice huh? We have no need for you go find some other school to play for, we will be just fine. Good riddens”

(Mike Bellotti, who had been in the audience secretly hoping that Pryor would pick the Ducks slowly walks to the podium)

MB: “Terrelle, before you announce that you would like to come out to Eugene to play football I have to inform you of some bad news. Nike, I mean Phil Knight, I mean the Oregon athletic department has pulled your scholarship offer due to your now lack of marketability, I mean academic issues. Sorry”

TP: “I guess I am going to need some more time to make my decision”

(Two weeks later)

TP: “I am proud to announce that I will be play my college football for the Temple Owls”

(Two people clap)

And that is the story of how the Temple Owls started down their path to the 2011 National Championship.